Busy. Busy. Busy.

Quickly all of my blog posts will become Kurt Vonnegut references.  It's bound to happen.

But I think that "busy, busy, busy" is quite relevant in all aspects of life.  And not just that busy feeling we all get that is so overwhelming we don't even have time to update our blogs...  It's used by Vonnegut to allude to that crazy cosmic thing that happens when the world works all together to get some magic to happen.  Like a coincidence, but bigger.  It's when everything just lines up and makes sense.

This idea, I fear, is often how we idealize and romanticize romance.  That is just that: perfect, cosmic, meant to be.  There will be no work.  No effort.  No struggle.  It will just make sense because the universe, or God, or Kurt Vonnegut grant it to be so.  

But, this, my friends, is bull shit.  Complete and udder.  And, as a therapist, I have to tell people this.  Every day.  Every single day I have to bring this delusional sense of love and what a relationship "should" be to the forefront of individuals' minds.  Because, we think that the world will bring us love that is perfect and we won't have to work for it at all.

The truth is that more than likely the universe, or Allah, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, don 't have any magical or overpowering plans for our love life.

However, this is where I come in, as a therapist, not a divine presence.  Telling people day in and day out that they have to WORK for their relationships, their love, their happiness is often defeating for them to hear.  But it is also empowering.  Being told that nothing will fix your terrible relationship but you and your partner is overwhelming, but uplifting.  Because then you CAN change it.  You are no longer burdened by the delusion that it is meant to be "just so," and there is nothing you can do about it to fix it or make it better or change it. It isn't meant to be easy.  At all.  And that's okay.  Actually, it's beautiful.  

By rewriting what we understand romance to be, we rewrite how we understand romance in our lives.  We stop being angry and hoping our partner will read our mind, and we begin to start sharing what makes us angry in the first place.  We stop hoping that our relationship will look like our best friend's or our parents' or our neighbors' and simply begin to enjoy what makes our relationship work for us.

There is no prince charming, there is no perfection.  There is only our hard work that makes romance and love "easy."

In the words of my beloved Tyler Durden: "I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.